akira yamaoka

is a genius, a PRODIGY.

i can't tell you how his music makes me feel.

if i could, i'd put up all 300 or so songs i have of his and enlighten anybody and everybody to his ambient beats...but i'm possessive of it. it takes a certain kind of person to like his music.

is it strange that the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" strikes me as disturbing? there's something unsettling i scrap from it that even myself cannot precisely identify.

i also find this image weird, even though it's supposedly to be an uplifting photo:

but not this one!


i'm going to clean out my computer. it's cluttered with files.

thyme two gough two PERU.

writing a speech on how to make sushi.

making up japanese names:

Nanako matsushima

Toshiya fujita

Chihiro takeshi

believable, right?

eating white cheddar popcorn.

wishing things would look up.

fucking up.

fantasy land.

dents

face wash

SMU

economics

saline solution

tumors

benign tumors

college-ruled notebook paper

cleavage

cauliflower

the ring a cup makes on a table

bats in a cave

burns

drinking with your pinky sticking out

heaven on earth


/ there's a bit of confusion lurking within the depths of the unknown. profound, yes?
nah. it's so easy to dismiss something.
bliss is out there, you just have to unwrap it.
...
the hershey commercial i just heard.

modern nature.

sondre lerche creates the best pick-up music, plain and simple.

if i were to start out every morning by listening to his tart voice and norwegian tunes, it could possibly make the day just a little better, who knows?

before.

before i collapse in my bed, i'd like to squeeze out the remnants of a busy day onto paper, or digital document, i should say.
tis one thing to have bumper to bumper traffic with daily events: cello choir until 8:30, school until 4, rehearsal until 6:30, [other activity] lasting no longer than 9 if not theatre-related...
but once they start overlaying each other is what ignites a sort of unsolvable problem, for i will always have to cut something short in order to hurry my ass to the next destination and/or responsibility i must attend to. (oh dear, a preposition at the end of a sentence. forgive me.) as troublesome and exhausting as it on my part, business (and i do mean it in the context of busy-ness) is but a reassurance that you're doing something with your life. a personal reality examination i very much thrive upon. (another preposition!) i should really stop editing these so that they could pass an english grammar check. who cares? SEE, i need to relax.
relax, sammy, relax.
talking to yourself in third person is quite uncomfortable. i'm not a fan. however i do it much when i talk to myself?

i basically have one month of academics left.
YEEEE-HAAAW!
but really, i'm getting antsier by the second; a feeling i'm sure all are experiencing.
then i'll be shipped off to dallas, where i'll continue my life, alone and on my own. a bit intimidating, yes? well, i welcome it; i embrace it. it's time i wean myself off the love from my parents and physically step into my own world. mentally and spiritually, i've been separated from them for quite some time, although i continue to reevaluate their encouragement in regards to everything i do. a funny relationship we have. not exactly do we treat each other as "mother and father" and "daughter" but more of "we have raised you" and "own person." if that makes any sense at all.

i truly do have more to say, but i simply cannot stay awake. goodnight.

as my facebook status so immaculately puts it:

i am a shallow jerk of a calculus packet copier moocher who spends money on trivial cheesecake-y things.

it's true. today, whilst driving my humble automobile, i had a revelation about myself and my attitude towards my life as it stands currently, thus opening my eyes a bit more than they already are bulging.

just kidding.

about that eye part, the rest is accurate.

moreover, i am forming a stomach and i HATE IT. it's all this horrible food i'm eating, rich in fatty nutrients (an oxymoron) and etc. this has to change. i must maintain my perfect trim-ness.

i need to get my grades solidified in a's this last week.




I AM A JERK!
ugh.

GAH.

i'm slacking big time, but i can't help it!

my ears are a-ringin'.

i smell of cheap cigarettes and heavy hairspray.
just returned from seeing Cursive tonight. they were oh so good; impeccable, even. they most definitely have a unique sound to them and everything is precise. no sloppiness. i quite enjoyed myself.
i'm drawing a bath at the moment. it's safe to say that i take a bath about every day. it's become a staple when i get home from rehearsal; just soaking for even five minutes proves to erase away the anxieties of the day. until new ones form tomorrow! but that's okay, i embrace it.
tomorrow i'm taking a stroll down the municipal court avenue to prove i got my car inspected and whatnot. i'm missing a three-hour one act clinic for this, i am severely upset in regards to the timing, alas there is not a single thing i can do about it.
as disheartened i am about that, i am super ecstatic about this: i received an immense scholarship for theatre from Southwestern U. this makes payment so much easier; more than likely i will be going to SU. i suppose i have an issue with people opening my mail, because when i got home my dad was waving around the letter from SU and told me the fantastic news; however, i was a bit disgruntled that i didn't benefit from the pleasure of opening it myself.
oh, i'm merely jesting. it doesn't bother me that much.
i think i'm going to be a pig and eat Doritos while i read in the bath. life and its simple pleasures, how wonderful. sometimes i just feel like sitting and stuffing my face with Doritos, not possessing a single care in the world other than the concern of food sliding down my esophagus. why did i capitalize Doritos? i don't know.

MERRY THURSDAY MORNING. wake up, stretch, notice the time, exhale, depart from bed. some people scoot their covers down with their feet, bunching the sheets up. others simply pull back the "flap" on covers as if doggy earing a piece of paper. and some dramatically throw them off.

i'm being lulled to sleep by erlend øye's voice. good night, after i just bade you good morning. i like talking to "you" as if my audience were the entire human population. therefore, you (all) have a good day. good days are appreciated. try not to take them for granted.

please, please, please.

please.

another impacting list.

the top three things that i think about:

1. space (i think that's self explanatory but...)
where does it spurt and halt? how many galaxies exist in this universe? how insignificant is earth compared to what life source may be out there? HOW DID IT GET HERE? i suppose this brushes as well on the topic of my faith.

2. death (moreso, life after death)
yeah i suppose this, too, is somewhat religion-affiliated.

3. how much good music there's out there in the world, and how ignorant i am of it.
everyday i'm finding new music that enlightens me, and it pisses me off that no matter how extensively i search, i will never find the greater capacity of it.

coincidently, all these deal with book ends. with conclusions (or lack of). with boundaries. everyday of my life i linger about these strange concepts. IT DRIVES ME MAD.

We are... The Morning Glories!

Perhaps what compels the cyclical 'Homosapien' entity into a pattern of impeccable routine is the implied composition in which engulfs every participant of Mother Nature. As morning glories flaunt their spectrum of petals only when the sky reaches a state of translucent crystal blue, an even more complex species inhabits a channel as well. As John Keates wrote, "Four seasons fill the measure of the year; There are seasons in the mind of man...," humans maintain a sense of homeostasis in regards to their daily physical function and mental state. It is what brings out these regularities that remains unpredictable in every soul.

Now how exactly may this 'circuit of inclination' be interpreted? Loosely or within strict boundaries? That's the beauty of said state of mind! There exists no metaphorical explanation too immaculate in which an interpretation may be based upon. Venturing into the human mind, the standardized emotions of whom classified themselves as staples include happiness, depression, anger, and fear; perhaps mirroring the seasons upon which John writes. Although some psychologists may argue that anger is not an emotion but a conscious state of mind, these quadrilateral pinpoints press forward with proving themselves legitimate. With every individual, the formation of these emotions vary (maybe one experiences anger, then depression, and so on so forth), however it is an undeniable fact of mortal law: EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THEIR OWN CYCLE OF PERTURBATION.

Going hand in hand with John Keate's statement is the collection of poems formally known as Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman. Through manipulating the art of personification through nature's actions, Whitman connects Mother Nature's pattern to a whole other dimension. Whitman resided in a time of spiritual awakenings and the Enlightenment; out of which came Transcendentalism, a new approach to a lifestyle. This original method opened eyes and tapped into a more personal--more seclusive desire for well-being, a system untouched in the era. By exemplifying human acts through the course of natural environment, it seemed as though for every opinion there was proof, the raw nitty-gritty evidence for something as trivial as 'Hey! Leaves fall during autumn, perhaps I should cut my hair to coincide with change.'

Whether taking the three-dimensional approach to regarding the psyche or probing the exact rendering, it remains veracious that in the end, humans show no difference from any other life form in this dance of existence; from trees to the stars to the all the way down, rooted in the stable earth as humble morning glories exists an organic tempo--a heartbeat--so to speak, that follows us year after year.

Every breathing creature stuffed with vitality synchronizes itself with one another. "Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee." There is no force in the act of man that holds superior to the force of nature; learn from it. After all, we are on this earth together.

good morning, glory.