O D D I T I E S

so, the strings of this year are getting knotted together. i've got more than enough objects of concern and/or dismay to feed the all-inclusive population's universal psyche, and my priorities are out of whack. i'm exercising almost every day. i'm trying to eat in good health (although the amount of crap i eat outbalances the good i inhale.) and i'm starting to become conscious that i shouldn't be so slipshod in regards my short term memory, it's a very precious thing.
is it utterly incredulous to avow that i'm happier when i'm miserable? when i let things pry me open, or i let acts of melancholy sweep my state of mind. the decree that shall remain anonymous from 2005-2007 still lingers about me, i almost miss it. that's why i've assumed myself zany.
sometimes there exists not a single thread of joie de vivre. sometimes the strings i've pulled this year haunt me.
you constantly hear people gripe about something missing from their life and they can't put their finger on it and i hate to swamp myself into this pathetic majority of humanity, as luck would have it, i cannot refuse to empathize with them. so often i try to calculate the beginnings of something, but i find myself tripping over factors of no great concern, getting distracted by the greatly looked down upon bullshit.
basically, i've lost something i once possessed, a certain type of mentality.

or, maybe i'm just a crezze fool.

i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy i'm not happy.