void.

so i'm sitting here, enjoying a moment to rest. it's eight thirty eight pm that i've started this. we'll see how long i sit here, stumped as to what to write about. i just had a cheese sandwich with a diet coke. i'm going to list every song that plays whilst my itunes is up on shuffle. it's always on in the background
--rose rouge - st. germaine--
anyway, it was very windy today. and the air was substantially thick thus i'm assuming it is to rain tomorrow. YAY. i hope i'm not disappointed. tonight, i am knowledgeable i have a plethora of things to do, mostly stuff that i did not do yesterday: finish filming, write my english essay(s), read hamlet, study for my calculus test, glance at the music for orchestra, retrieve some fabric to make another bag in apparel, fill out my transcript request forms, fill up my car, pick up prints from a random disposable camera i found in my room (i'm excited about that)
--the melting moon - vhs or beta--
and etc. so why i am doing this? because i like stalling. anyway, there should be an appropriate paragraph break here, but i'm just going to string everything together. at this exact moment as i'm thinking of everything to do, i'm trying to recollect some remembrances
--slow emotion replay - the the--
of this time last year. and i can't remember much. christmas carol was opening and i had so many loose ends to tie before winter break. that much i know is true. you know, they say keeping a journal is lame, but i'm glad as hell i wrote in mine (at least once every few weeks), because it's more than rewarding when i read all my woes and troubles at that point in time. i truly think i have this facade that exists amongst others, because i
--burn it all down - vhs or beta (what. again?)--
honestly am not as organized as some may think. i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing! and all the while it's absolutely terrifying, it's also secretly (and now i won't admit this to myself often) somewhat refreshing knowing i truthfully don't know what i'm doing, and when i attain excellence in my life, it'll be based on being at the right place at the right time. you can't plan your future, ha that's something i've grown to accept. so, freaking out is still number one on my favorite pasttimes list, but i also think i've made a break through as far as knowing i don't have to do everything right at this very specific moment. of course, i won't agree with this probably even next week. i'm very inconsistent
--girl sailor - the shins--
when it comes to what i want to do with myself. it's the hot topic in my brain, in my entirety. wow. it's nine oh five pm and i've managed to waste thirty minutes and type barely anything. man, what i would do to go in a coma right now. just a temporary coma (that's redundant) composed of a week's worth sleeping, because gawd knows i don't sleep enough. maybe that's why i act the way i act.
--cosmic dancer - t rex--
this song reminds me of billy elliot. such a good movie about this little british boy who wants to dance. anyway, back to the sleep thing. perhaps my body is accustomed to it by now. the same goes for caffeine. stuff doesn't do shit to me, but it has been a huge chunk of my diet since i was like wee little lassie, making lattes for my parents.
--too busy thinking about my baby -marvin gaye--
i have no humor in me tonight. it's a very, very dry night. i am so eager for this school year to be over. seriously. please gawd, hurry up the process. this type of music makes me think of the movie 'it'. one of my all time faves. man, again, another staple of my childhood, watching it over and over and over again, but watching it off of taped tv, so memorizing the commercials along with the movie. yes, that's right, four hours of memorized lines of the excellent made for tv movie adaptation from stephen king's book. i've been meaning to read it, but i simply do not possess the time.
--do not stand in the shadow - billy idol--
i could listen to his rebel yell album all day errday.
--turn me off - audrye sessions--
i don't understand how so much time could be passing by, how songs just keep playing and going on, and i'm still sitting here. not doing a thing. vegetable, you say? yes. so anywho, i just downloaded this song. i don't know anything about this band, but i heard some of their stuff and thought i'd give them a shot. you know how if you sit in front of something hot for too long, the exposed area starts to itch? my arm is right in front of my portable space heater and it's itching like a mothafucker.
--shadows in the rain - the police--
sting redid this song when he went solo. it's not nearly as good. what happened to sting? he got ridiculously arrogant, and you can tell in his album straight to the heart. it's icky. alas i still listen to it. because english man in new york is just too superior to deny his talent. so let's talk about my heart. how's my heart? it's fine. it's healthy, it's pumping blood to the rest of my body, a sufficient life distributor throughout my physical existance.
--the gift - sounds from the ground--
actually, i just listened to this song, i'm clicking next.
--lex - ratatat--
who doesn't love this song? my bird has this thing called a snuggle shack where she sleeps in at night, she actually crawls in and nestles herself in there, it's too cute. anyway, she went on this hiatus without one because i'm horrible when it comes to priorities, so she slept like a normal bird; standing up. and she's been agonizingly cranky this last few weeks, because of her lack of quality sleep. she has a shack again, and slept in it all day sunday, never coming out, and she's in fact in there right now, catching up. oh gosh she's so cute. so cute. so so so so so cute. my heart is so large to my animalz.
--don't panic - coldplay--
i'm not terribly in love with coldplay, i mean, they're alright, i barely have any songs from them (although yellow is a tremendous song) but man, i absolutely adore this one. as with all of the other songs on the garden state soundtrack. i listened to that cd a shit ton my freshman year. i am such a sap when it comes to nostalgia.
--just died in your arms - cutting crew--
haha what a song. i was infatuated with 80s music in eighth grade, because b-92 was the most bitchin (i never use that word) radio station ever, playing the best. i also read lois duncan suspense novels like, religiously. don't get me wrong, i still love new wave music, it was just at its pinnacle when i was thirteen. ha, thirteen. boy oh boy do i love senses or what. i can't pinpoint which one brings out the most sentimental assessment.
--sweet hitchhiker - creedence clearwater revival--
oh sweet jesus, i'm wasting so much time writing this.
--how will i know - whitney houston--
i realized that i barely go to the bathroom. i don't know why i'm talking about my restroom behaviors, but seriously, i pee like once a day. i'm just saying this because i've consumed many liquids today and still haven't gone. you know, it's not weird to talk about that sorta thing, i mean everyone does it! it's just that people have made it seem uncomfortable. the same way with nudity. there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but people have convinced themselves it's more harsh of a concept than it is. it's actually like the most primal, natural thing. god damn let's see how many times i can type the word like. that's so annoying.
--rock me baby - george mccrae--
woman, take me in your arms, rock me baby, there's nothing to it, just say you wanna do it, open up your heart (arms?) and let the lovin staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart. the cup o' coffee has been sitting on my desk for quite some time now. it had a lid on it. and i'm afraid to look in it.
--ashes to ashes - david bowie--
oh god, totally makes me think of one time i went to the newport aquarium and listened to this multiple times. also makes me think of my sister's room in my old house (not the one in the basement, but on the middle level.) i miss that house. i miss the concept of basements, because there are absolutely zero here. it's so mindboggling how much i loved my childhood, but i'd never want to relive it again. i didn't think it was possible to be so happy and so miserable at the same time. if only you knew me as a kid. my sister thought there was something 'wrong' with me (mentally, as in i was a some disturbed kid). that's so nice to hear. i wasn't crazy or anything, but i definitely had some interior issues with myself. and it's strange because most people get those when they're older. but yea, i don't know if i want my kid to have the lifestyle i had, because at times i thought things
--where i end and you begin the sky is falling in - radiohead--
couldn't get worse, but i'm thankful because it's helped me become wise among my years. so all in all, i'm glad i experienced what i did. it's sad that my father doesn't know who i am. he knows me on a two dimensional plane, the x and y axis, but not the z axis (reference to pre calculus!) and it's not his fault, it's just in his nature. he loves me sure and i love him, but i don't feel like we're father and daughter. my mommy and i, on the other hand, are very close.
--posse in effect - beastie boys--
now i really am typing the first thing that comes to mind. i apologize if it's sticky to read. did you know iggy pop's real name is james newell osterberg jr.? heh heh.
--acceptable in the 80s - calvin harris--
it's a tuesday night! what a dead day. actually, no that's a lie. today was quite productive. ugh but it's not over, and i have so much still to finish. fucking lame. okay, i'm going to resist the temptation of writing about how much i have to do, because who cares? jeez. my sister and i have always wanted to make a skirt out of ties, but for some reason it has never happened. now that i know how to sew, though, i'll probably do just that...when i get around to it. wow, i really like this song. i've often neglected it. wow, i really really like this song. ow. my hair hurts because i've had it bobby pins all day. i either want to bleach it again. or dye it black. i've always wanted to dye it black, but i don't wanna look like a fucking middle eastern chick (not that there's anything wrong with that). -
-otherside - akira yamoaka--
i got paint on my shirt today. i was mad at first, but now i'm over it.
--pennyroyal tea - nirvana--
i like the acoustic version of this better. next song!
--advice for the young at heart - tears for fears--
oh, my theme song, damn. just kidding. i just changed shirts for no reason. i do that so often, just randomly change my clothes. and i'm a+ at changing in public areas without exposing too much of myself. it's definitely a strong point. to go back to my hair, it looks like a bunch of tree vines right now. quite nifty. i wouldn't trade my hair's composition for anythaang. just the color and maybe style. but that's just because i get bored wiff it. enough about my hair, sheesh. sheesh. i think i'm the only person that still says that word. nobody else does! i hate the kids at my school. they suck. what's new though. this song makes me think of tearing off the wallpaper in my parents turned sisters turned my room in my last house. now
--tammie - the do--
is playing. she's got a neat voice. but it kind of sounds like everyone elses. so i take that back. it's still nice, though. i have a tanline from my mom's wedding rings i wear. i hate it when people try to be funny and ask me 'oh are you married? hahaha...' that's just dumb. i'm not even wearing them on my ring finger.
--circle of friends - better than ezra--
i love a good soundtrack. anyway, i always give them my pity laugh 'oh haha, you know it!' or 'oh haha, no, marriage is not for me' and then they give me that blank, appalled face because the 5/6 people get married. i don't know if that's true, i just made it up. i have to turn this heater off for a while. i'm all itchy all ova. that's another lie, just my left arm. i have a doctor's appt. tomorrow so i won't be going to first and second period. it's sad that that's like the most i have to look forward to tomorrow. no, fuck that, that's something to look forward to.
--church of the poison mind - boy george and the culture club--
words cannot express how much i love boy george. i'm tired of this. bye bye.