and i just need to type it out.
what the fuck, family? with everything that has happened the last 4/5 months, it is back to the same. only a shitload of tears cried and money spent. i finally get two jobs so i can earn some money for MYSELF because i'm 21 and about to graduate school and i'm already having to dip into my own savings to pick up after my less than responsible parents. i have really tried to keep an open perspective on this, such as I'll do anything to keep my family together or It really could be worse BUT I AM ANGRY. i feel used! seriously, especially from my father. i'm sick of his I'll take care of it, but could you spot Jordynne this month? bullshit. it's fine, okay, i had to pay the internet and the water, yes that's fine, i do live there after all, but giving 200 dollars that i know i'll never get back just infuriates me. it's not even the money or the amount of it (because it really isn't a lot), it's the fact that i have been pulled around from emotion to emotion, never got a vacation only so that the three of them could partake in one, i have been THERE for them. and now that i earn some money for ME, i have to TAKE CARE OF THEM BECAUSE THEY CAN'T WIPE THEIR OWN ASSES. i resent all of them.
and to top things off!!! my boyfriend thinks i'm prone to cheating! it's WONDERFUL.
I TRY SO GODDAMN HARD TO BE A GOOD PERSON.
sometimes i want to give my poor heart a medal for feeling and caring so much. i am NOT CRYING FOR HELP, I AM NOT A SENSITIVE BABY, I JUST WANT SOME ACTUAL RECOGNITION TO HOW HARD I TRY TO KEEP MY FAMILY AND MY RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.