13 June 2012

I am terribly unenthused at the moment.
OKAY, so I may be a little late in the game since this album came out in 2010, but OH MY GOD. Twin Shadow? Fucking raw as shit. The videos add this delicious sense of age; I feel like I'd be driving downtown at night with the windows down and one of his songs would be on the radio. If it were 1984.

Only two more weeks until I drive to Los Angeles. I am looking forward to it now that my trip to Dallas has already occurred. Many strange realizations were...realized on that trip--I'll tell you that much.

Lord, my underarm is itchy right now. I hate deodorant. On a side note, I think it's ridiculous how triumphant I feel when I free an ingrown hair.

Alright. Songs as of late:
Twin Shadow - Slow
Twin Shadow - Castles in the Snow
Outkast - Prototype
The Cure - Screw
The Beach Boys - Kokomo

It's a small playlist, but I quite love it.
That's all for now.
I need to draw a bee.

10 June 2012

GODDAMN MY FUCKING FEELINGS AND/OR LACKTHEREOF

i am not trying to have this shit right now.

04 June 2012

so this gal is taking a road trip to L.A. june 28th. can't wait.
well, i can't lie to myself...of course i wanted to go to lexington. of course i did.
but it would have been too hard (for obvious reasons.) so much history there. perhaps in the fall, i'll be able to go, but for now time apart is needed; things just would not work. so much cruelty has been said and things just need to dissipate. if we're meant to be friends, it'll happen.
veering back to my trip, though: this will be my first road trip without my parents. odd, huh? i've traveled everywhere in the states, but mostly with them!
STAY POSITIVE SAMMY. and finish your fucking awesome (so far) song.

02 June 2012

i am so grateful for everything i have. in the end all you have is your family and your girlfriends. mommy, daddy, jordynne, tiffany, afomia, sudie, kristen, charlotte, no matter what, you are the greatest support and i know you love me. i love you too.  if times are ever rocky between me and any of you, i know there's unconditional love underneath it all.


anyway, to those who love me, thank you for giving me inspiration, listening to me banter about random things, and just being there. i unfortunately am not super woman, as i'd like to be, and i do have feelings, so i appreciate your understanding.  i am always there for you. if you need a shoulder to cry on, a passionate hug, some cigarettes to calm your nerves, or an impromptu photoshoot, or a good old bitching from me to your worst enemy, or a night drive, or a song, or a run to taco bell, or a back scratch/arm scratch, or SOMETHING, i'm here. suppressing things doesn't get anyone ANYWHERE. i've spent too much of my life trying to deal with all my feelings and bury them until they don't exist anymore but all it does is create bitterness. i don't get why i did it when i KNEW talking about something made me feel a little better. or crying it out. or something. but no, i had to be a robotic girl who never shed a tear or told anybody anything. well, what i've learned since being back from london is that your family is always there in your heart. whether they've untimely left you, or are miles away, or can't even communicate with you, they are in your heart. for people who complain that they have no one to talk to, yes you do. i bet your parents would be thrilled to talk to you person to person, no bullshit. and your parents will love you more than any lover will. of course it's different, i understand this--the quality of love is different, but the quantity will never be matched to those who brought you into the world. i hate kids, but i sure as hell can appreciate parents. and siblings. and those wonderful friends who were once strangers in our lives. isn't that absolutely nuts?

i know this whole entry is just one big hallmark card. but who cares. i mean what i say. i don't give bullshit answers or say low insults to someone just to get a reaction. i'm angry, i'm angry and exhausted. but i'm also trying to be better everyday and be grateful and be happy. i try to be happy, but my efforts haven't paid off yet.

i know my faults.
but i am not a bad person.
i do not take things for granted because in an instant, they can be ripped out of your life; they can gut you entirely and make you bleed until you ask for mercy. 


i hate to say this, but i don't think i'm capable of trusting a relationship for a very, very long time.