30 April 2009

i'm pretty sure...

...that the power is going to go out soon.

29 April 2009

Real McCoy.

it's the ripe hours of morning in which visionary prose births itself into a somatic form. gazing at this glowing thing opposite myself, i see the silhouette of some enthusiastic hair displayed against the wall. i want to go to bed. but i can't. i have 55-question test to take; it involves "critical reading" thus i'm a bit apprehensive to allowing slumber overcome me. a panorama of things in my peripheral vision include:
closet door
business cards
my wardrobe
55-question test involving "critical reading"
2nd place trophy
doctor's note
latex-free rubber gloves, courtesy of the hospital under which my grandmother is residing
i'm sporting a strapless red dress; my hair focuses on one side of my head, the other side is pinned back. hair is fashioned in loose black curls, although the overall color is indistinguishable; some locks are black, some contains flecks of gold, some unfortunately look of dark green; i'm just waiting a few more weeks before i drastically change it all again. wrists are bare. jewelry lacks presence everywhere but upon my right ring finger: my mother's engagement & wedding rings. i have mascara on and whatever humble blush leftover from the day. my eyes are bloodshot. gross. i need my eye dropz.
* * *
i question myself everyday, how far i can go. what lengths i'll take to get what i want. and what do i want? i want that sensation of the senses, the awe-inspiring gush of reaction to push me down. to knock my socks off. to make me fall head over heels, whichever niggling expression suits--i want that action and reaction i used to have.
anyway. goodnight.
ps. look at these darling photos i stumbled upon.

28 April 2009

oh deer.

it's nice when i have a song on repeat and i don't even know it's starting over.

26 April 2009

bring home the bacon.

the (english) beat - can't get used to losing you
etta james - sunday kind of love
bryan ferry - kiss & tell
david bowie - queen bitch
cocteau twins - lorelei
pnau - with you forever
giulio rasi - when the sun goes down
portishead - the rip
animal collective - grass
lapin - the mood for dancing
midnight juggernauts - nine lives
death from above 1979 - sexy results
de la soul - me myself and i
emil & friends - sleepyhead
judas priest - you say yes
beach house - holy dances
ebn-ozn - AEIOU sometimes Y

i avidly fancy the art of grammar.

25 April 2009

akira yamaoka

is a genius, a PRODIGY.

i can't tell you how his music makes me feel.

if i could, i'd put up all 300 or so songs i have of his and enlighten anybody and everybody to his ambient beats...but i'm possessive of it. it takes a certain kind of person to like his music.

is it strange that the saying "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" strikes me as disturbing? there's something unsettling i scrap from it that even myself cannot precisely identify.

i also find this image weird, even though it's supposedly to be an uplifting photo:

but not this one!

i'm going to clean out my computer. it's cluttered with files.

19 April 2009

thyme two gough two PERU.

writing a speech on how to make sushi.

making up japanese names:
Nanako matsushima
Toshiya fujita
Chihiro takeshi
believable, right?

eating white cheddar popcorn.

wishing things would look up.

fucking up.

17 April 2009

fantasy land.


face wash



saline solution


benign tumors

college-ruled notebook paper



the ring a cup makes on a table

bats in a cave


drinking with your pinky sticking out

heaven on earth

/ there's a bit of confusion lurking within the depths of the unknown. profound, yes?
nah. it's so easy to dismiss something.
bliss is out there, you just have to unwrap it.
the hershey commercial i just heard.

12 April 2009

modern nature.

sondre lerche creates the best pick-up music, plain and simple.

if i were to start out every morning by listening to his tart voice and norwegian tunes, it could possibly make the day just a little better, who knows?

10 April 2009


before i collapse in my bed, i'd like to squeeze out the remnants of a busy day onto paper, or digital document, i should say.
tis one thing to have bumper to bumper traffic with daily events: cello choir until 8:30, school until 4, rehearsal until 6:30, [other activity] lasting no longer than 9 if not theatre-related...
but once they start overlaying each other is what ignites a sort of unsolvable problem, for i will always have to cut something short in order to hurry my ass to the next destination and/or responsibility i must attend to. (oh dear, a preposition at the end of a sentence. forgive me.) as troublesome and exhausting as it on my part, business (and i do mean it in the context of busy-ness) is but a reassurance that you're doing something with your life. a personal reality examination i very much thrive upon. (another preposition!) i should really stop editing these so that they could pass an english grammar check. who cares? SEE, i need to relax.
relax, sammy, relax.
talking to yourself in third person is quite uncomfortable. i'm not a fan. however i do it much when i talk to myself?

i basically have one month of academics left.
but really, i'm getting antsier by the second; a feeling i'm sure all are experiencing.
then i'll be shipped off to dallas, where i'll continue my life, alone and on my own. a bit intimidating, yes? well, i welcome it; i embrace it. it's time i wean myself off the love from my parents and physically step into my own world. mentally and spiritually, i've been separated from them for quite some time, although i continue to reevaluate their encouragement in regards to everything i do. a funny relationship we have. not exactly do we treat each other as "mother and father" and "daughter" but more of "we have raised you" and "own person." if that makes any sense at all.

i truly do have more to say, but i simply cannot stay awake. goodnight.