29 July 2013

Every day is an emotional roller coaster for me.  I can be crying one minute and then my face is dry the next minute.  I also know I'm not CRAZY but Jesus...it's wearing me down.

I know I'm not alone in this feeling; I know MANY college graduates are feeling this way. Second guessing why they went to such an expensive school...why did they major in theatre...who the fuck told them they had talent.

After this semester from hell, I don't feel very relieved.  I wasn't even that proud of myself for graduating. I could have gotten better grades.  I could've done more for my school/dept.

I have to be grateful for things like my health and love from others, but I can't help from freaking out every day.  I'm 21 and I can't keep relying on my parents (partially also because they're unreliable.)

It's so hard to pack because I feel like I should throw everything away but then I really won't have anything.  Ugh.


Okay I'm done.

15 April 2013

do you think some people are just born chronically sad?
i feel very lonely right now, i can't explain it.
why is it so hard to be happy?  like, really, why?

03 March 2013

i'm a bit pissed off right now.

and i just need to type it out.

okay so:
what the fuck, family? with everything that has happened the last 4/5 months, it is back to the same.  only a shitload of tears cried and money spent.  i finally get two jobs so i can earn some money for MYSELF because i'm 21 and about to graduate school and i'm already having to dip into my own savings to pick up after my less than responsible parents.  i have really tried to keep an open perspective on this, such as I'll do anything to keep my family together or It really could be worse BUT I AM ANGRY.  i feel used!  seriously, especially from my father.  i'm sick of his I'll take care of it, but could you spot Jordynne this month? bullshit.  it's fine, okay, i had to pay the internet and the water, yes that's fine, i do live there after all, but giving 200 dollars that i know i'll never get back just infuriates me.  it's not even the money or the amount of it (because it really isn't a lot), it's the fact that i have been pulled around from emotion to emotion, never got a vacation only so that the three of them could partake in one, i have been THERE for them.  and now that i earn some money for ME, i have to TAKE CARE OF THEM BECAUSE THEY CAN'T WIPE THEIR OWN ASSES.  i resent all of them.
and to top things off!!! my boyfriend thinks i'm prone to cheating!  it's WONDERFUL.

SERIOUSLY

FUCK

EVERYTHING

AT

THIS

EXACT

MOMENT

I TRY SO GODDAMN HARD TO BE A GOOD PERSON.

sometimes i want to give my poor heart a medal for feeling and caring so much.  i am NOT CRYING FOR HELP, I AM NOT A SENSITIVE BABY, I JUST WANT SOME ACTUAL RECOGNITION  TO HOW HARD I TRY TO KEEP MY FAMILY AND MY RELATIONSHIP TOGETHER.

05 October 2012

and yet, i still feel worthless.

23 September 2012

i try to be a nice person, but damn people suck. people.  suck. i'm sure i suck to some people. but people FUCKING SUCK.

it's sad that the majority of my posts on this 'ere blog are usually
a) me whining
b) me complaining
c) me bitching
d) me being redundant


LOLZ FOR DAYS.

but seriously.
fuck.
people.
who.
say.
shit.
out.
of.
their.
ass.


08 August 2012

it's okay to be sad on your birthday.
happy 21st sammy.

30 July 2012

13 June 2012

I am terribly unenthused at the moment.
OKAY, so I may be a little late in the game since this album came out in 2010, but OH MY GOD. Twin Shadow? Fucking raw as shit. The videos add this delicious sense of age; I feel like I'd be driving downtown at night with the windows down and one of his songs would be on the radio. If it were 1984.

Only two more weeks until I drive to Los Angeles. I am looking forward to it now that my trip to Dallas has already occurred. Many strange realizations were...realized on that trip--I'll tell you that much.

Lord, my underarm is itchy right now. I hate deodorant. On a side note, I think it's ridiculous how triumphant I feel when I free an ingrown hair.

Alright. Songs as of late:
Twin Shadow - Slow
Twin Shadow - Castles in the Snow
Outkast - Prototype
The Cure - Screw
The Beach Boys - Kokomo

It's a small playlist, but I quite love it.
That's all for now.
I need to draw a bee.

10 June 2012

GODDAMN MY FUCKING FEELINGS AND/OR LACKTHEREOF

i am not trying to have this shit right now.

04 June 2012

so this gal is taking a road trip to L.A. june 28th. can't wait.
well, i can't lie to myself...of course i wanted to go to lexington. of course i did.
but it would have been too hard (for obvious reasons.) so much history there. perhaps in the fall, i'll be able to go, but for now time apart is needed; things just would not work. so much cruelty has been said and things just need to dissipate. if we're meant to be friends, it'll happen.
veering back to my trip, though: this will be my first road trip without my parents. odd, huh? i've traveled everywhere in the states, but mostly with them!
STAY POSITIVE SAMMY. and finish your fucking awesome (so far) song.